MOVIE: ** (out of 5)
BLU-RAY EXPERIENCE: * (out of 5)
BY KEVIN CARR
WHAT IT’S ABOUT
Joel Schumacher directs this adaptation of Nick McDonell’s novel about a young drug dealer who crosses the line between his high-society upbringing and the crime of the streets. Chace Crawford stars as White Mike, who deals with his pressures of being a rich kid with crappy parents by dealing drugs to his other rich friends. His double life breaks down when he gets involved with a dealer pushing the new designer drug known as “twelve,” bringing violence to his swanky life in upper Manhattan.
WHAT I LIKED
“Twelve” was mildly enjoyable in the way that “Havoc” was. It does its best at showing the gritty underbelly of New York City as it spills into the lives of the rich and privileged. Imagine if “Gossip Girl” brought in 50 Cent as a drug dealer who sells ecstasy for sex, and you’ll get the picture.
The production looks pretty slick, actually, taking full advantage of the city of New York as the backdrop. It’s a well-made film, and the acting is actually pretty decent, considering it’s anchored around Chace Crawford.
And while this isn’t Joel Schumacher’s best work (because it doesn’t hold a candle to movies like “The Lost Boys” and “Falling Down”), it beats the pants off crap like “Batman & Robin” and “The Number 23.”
WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE
Well, let’s face it, this movie is symbolic of the people it’s about. It’s not enough for some folks to have a good life and enjoy their success. They have to feel that their struggles are just as hard as others. Why else do we have suburban kids throwing up gang signs in pictures and dressing like thugs? They want to be in a dangerous world, and so they invite that in.
In the same way, “Twelve” tries to present itself as a movie that shows how hard it is to be a rich kid in New York. I call shenanigans. It’s easy as hell to be rich, and most of the problems you end up with are of your own design. So to see a movie that bemoans how dangerous it can be to be mixed up with creepy people on the good side of the tracks is irritating. I had the same problem with the aforementioned “Havoc.” (At least that movie had nude scenes with Anne Hathaway and Bijou Phillips to smooth it out.)
Plus, it doesn’t help having a classy actor like Kiefer Sutherland narrating the film like a bad episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” It’s poor narration which gets really creepy when you hear Jack Bauer discuss the finer points of masturbation in the voice-over. Brrrr…
Nothing… just the movie.
WHO’S GOING TO LIKE THIS MOVIE
People from the suburbs who want to feel their manufactured problems are even close to those of people from the ghetto.