My favorite thing about “The Girls Next Door” television show isn’t the show itself. It’s not the Playboy models, the naked girls or the fantasy life of Hugh Hefner. It’s the story of how I got the DVDs for season two.

My children go with me to my private mailbox to pick up my videos. They like to open the packages because sometimes it’s a Disney film or something else for kids. So, even if I know it won’t be one of their films, I let them open the packages.

My six-year-old son Liam opened the package for “The Girls Next Door: Season Two,” took one look at the pink cover featuring three beautiful women and one geezer, and he said, “Yuck!” Later, I gave him and his brother a choice... we could watch “The Girls Next Door” or “Dinosaurs!” I’ll bet you can guess the response.

Later, my son said, “Daddy, I’ll never want to watch that.” I nodded and smiled, but I knew that in about six or seven years, he’ll be ransacking my DVD collection for this video, among others. Sadly, once he emerges from puberty, he’ll probably be bored with the show, ‘cause there ain’t that much there.

“The Girls Next Door” is a reality series about Hugh Hefner’s three live-in girlfriends. And I say “live-in” because they live in the Playboy mansion. Only one of the girls shares his bed on a regular basis. I suppose the other two are kept around for eye candy, the Playboy image and an occasional Viagra-inspired 80-year-old roll in the hay.

This is a hit show on E!, but if you’re gonna suffer through it, check out the DVD. While E! censors everything (as any avid watcher of the old Howard Stern show will tell you), nothing is bleeped out or blurred on the DVD. Yes, you get to see the girls naked in most episodes. And yes, you get to hear the profanities fly from Kendra’s wigger potty mouth.

Once I got past the fantasy and the occasional nude scene, this show quickly wore on me. The only girl who is bearable is Bridget, a thirtysomething buxom blonde who loves horror movies and pink decorations. She’s a ditz, but she’s cute.

Holly is the glamorous one, but she has no personality, and everything about her is fake – from her brittle laugh to her water-balloon breasts. She’s the one angling to marry Hef, but she doesn’t quite realize he’s been down that road before, and he won’t do it again.

The worst of the bunch is Kendra, who starts the season at age 20. Yes, she is gorgeous, and she has a phenomenal body if you like fake boobs. But I got so tired of hearing her talk that I fought the urge to fast forward. She’s like the girl you knew in school that you couldn’t stop thinking about, then you slept with her and you couldn’t get away fast enough. That’s how I feel, and I didn’t even get to sleep with her.

This show is a sure-fire cure for being infatuated with a beautiful woman. Whenever you find yourself unable to think straight around a goddess, watch just ten minutes of “The Girls Next Door.” No matter how often these girls get naked. No matter how much flesh you see (and you see a lot of it in this uncensored DVD), you’ll be quickly reminded about how annoying, stuck-up, arrogant, dimwitted and irritating these girls can be.

When all’s said and done, as much as I envy Hef for his lifestyle, I also pity him. He’s so wealthy that it’s hard to believe anyone is sincere around him, except maybe his tag-along brother (who will probably inherit all of his wealth rather than any of these girls next door). How does he even know these girls like him, let alone love him?

Sigh... I guess I’m too much of a romantic. It’s a good thing I found my wife when I was fat and lazy. At least I know she genuinely likes me.

In addition to some bloopers and episode promos, “The Girls Next Door: Season Two” comes with commentaries on all 16 episodes by the girls. Of course, if you are already irritated by their interviews, you’ll probably find it twice as irritating to hear them talk about their interviews. (But probably not as irritating as reading about them talking about their interviews, which you’re doing right now.)



Specifications: Dolby Digital 5.1 Stereo Sound. Full frame (1.33:1). Spanish language track. Spanish subtitles. English language subtitles for the hearing impaired.