Here’s a funny story about my watching of the film “Snakewoman.” Having recently begun to lose some weight, I’ve been going to a gym. However, since I’m much more of a movie fan than a music fan, I bring my portable DVD player to watch while I’m on the machines.

“Snakewoman” was the next DVD on my stack to watch, so I grabbed it to bring with me. I got on my exercise machine and started the movie. I wasn’t even ten minutes into my 30-minute workout when I suddenly regretted watching this movie in a public place. Let’s just say that the bevy of sweaty women around me on the Stairmasters didn’t appreciate the soft-core lesbian vampire movie I was watching next to them.

Sigh... at least I didn’t get kicked out.

I had heard of Jess Franco (aka Jesus Franco) as a notorious underground filmmaker, but I was unfamiliar with his work. After seeing two of his movies, I can’t say I like his stuff, but I respect the hell out of him as a filmmaker. Franco has made a career of churning out low-budget films with an erotic twist. There’s a market out there for his stuff, but it’s pretty far from the mainstream.

“Snakewoman” tells the story of an art dealer tracking down the owners of a collection of films, art and music. The artist is a cult figure and long since thought dead. When she meets the artist’s surviving relatives, she discovers them living a life of hedonism. The woman is swept into the group and becomes one with a mysterious vampire-like snakewoman who seems to be the reincarnation of the artist herself.

The biggest problem with “Snakewoman” is actually its length. There’s really only about fifteen minutes of real story there, and the rest of the film is padded out with lesbian sex. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a healthy dose of lesbian sex in a the movies. However, the scenes are so uninspired when it comes to cinematography that I found no excitement to them. It seemed as though Franco just set up one angle, told the girls to wriggle around each other, then went out to get a sandwich. Even the weakest American porno or Skinemax movie has some cuts and different angles.

Yes, there are some beautiful women walking around naked in this movie. However, this is the modern age. If I want to see beautiful women naked, I can always just hop on the Internet and download that stuff for free. The titillating naughtiness of soft-core erotica has fallen out of fashion, and out of the desires of many men. Why diddle with soft-core when you can get the real thing so easily?

The DVD comes with a bonus film – “Dr. Wong’s Virtual Hell.” Using archive footage of one actor from Franco’s films in the 70s, this movie is another pseudo-sexual romp with long-winded scenes and very little action. The DVD also contains still galleries for the films.

I do enjoy watching alternative flicks now and then, but the Jess Franco stuff is a bit dull for my tastes. For as little story as there is, “Snakewoman” is a bit hard to follow. It’s not that it’s notorious or offense – just kinda boring.

If you like the underground films, “Snakewoman” will be interesting for you. It’s definitely something different. However, there’s better underground films out there.



Specifications: Spanish language track. English language subtitles.