"SILENT VENOM"
DVD Review
by Kevin Carr
| MOVIE: *1/2 (out of 5 stars)
DVD EXPERIENCE: * (out of 5 stars) STARRING Luke Perry as JAMES O’NEILL Krista Allen as ANDREA SWANSON Tom Berenger as BRADLEY WALLACE Louis Mandylor as JAKE GOLDIN Anthony Tyler Quinn as EDDIE BOUDREAU Rated R Studio: 20th Century Fox Directed by: Fred Olen Ray Back to DVD Review Home |  |
WHAT IT’S ABOUT
Dr. Andrea Swanson (Krista Allen) is a biologist working on a top secret snake breeding project. The result – aggressive, highly poisonous snakes that attack anything and apparently are invisible if found in a submarine. When her project is shut down, her partner sneaks several snakes out of the quarantine zone and into the Navy sub that is escorting the good doctor home. Remember how the snakes are invisible in a sub... well, you know what happens next. It’s up to the disgraced sub commander James O’Neill (Luke Perry) to save the crew from these snakes before they can reach dry land.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the concept of this movie. After all, I thought “Snakes on a Plane” was a hilarious film. And while I didn’t see “Snakes on a Train,” I am now sure that I have seen “Snakes on a Submarine.”
I am a bit of an apologist for low-budget direct-to-DVD monster movies. Case in point, you should read my review of “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.” I love that stuff. But it has to be done right, and... well, read on...
WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE
As much as I love a low-budget monster movie, I don’t think that snakes were the way to go. The problem is that without a decent budget, snakes aren’t that scary. In this film, they’re either rubber props or real snakes that just sort of sit there or slowly slither. Without some cash for CGI, the snakes don’t do much.
On the same line, movies that take place in submarines are tricky. If you’re well funded, you can make an exciting film like “The Hunt for the Red October,” “U-571” and “Crimson Tide.” However, without expensive sets and a cool lighting design, you’re left with a claustrophobic film that looks like every scene was shot in the same room of a storage shed, just from different angles.
Finally, I have always had a soft spot for Krista Allen, and her sizzling sexpot status bodes well for a low-budget horror flick. However, when she’s decked out in frumpy clothes and doesn’t even grace us with a bra-and-panties shot, she’s a pretty useless piece of set parsley. She’s not a great actress, and her white-hot nude scenes are what make the otherwise terrible “Emmanuelle in Space” skin flick entertaining.
In one scene, she announces that she’s going to take a shower... and she does, but we see absolutely nothing. What good is a Krista Allen shower scene without Krista Allen in the shower? What did George Clooney do to this girl to spur on this newfound and unnecessary modesty?
DVD FEATURES
Answer this SAT question...
[Nude scenes of Krista Allen]:[none] as [Special features on the DVD]:???
WHO’S GOING TO LIKE THIS MOVIE
People who just loooooooove movies about snakes and submarines.
