MADER'S 'BRANTS Lending People Money August 30, 2004 - A friend asked why I write rants. A fair question. I like to think of them as a little social commentary on life in general. A little industry news. Sometimes some politics and every once in a while an observation on just how people work. My major in college was Anthropology and Behavioral Sciences. I find people fascinating. I have read Pliny and Livy. Rufus, Plato, Aristotle and Gibbon. Some Freud and Jung and many others. I have watched the drivel that passes for in-depth analysis of the human condition today on TV. If those numbnuts can get paid six figures to do it and consistently be wrong, why can’t I do it for free? Which brings me to this week’s rant. Two years ago I had a friend that was in trouble. I had known her for seven years and while a little high strung, she was a nice person. She was going through a divorce and dealing with personal crap that was beyond her ability to handle at the time. That’s when I got “the call.” We all know “the call” don’t we? The one that goes like this: “John things are real bad. I am going to get evicted from my apartment. I have no place to go. My ex isn’t going to help me. My job isn’t gong well. My daughter is in trouble. Can I borrow some money so I can have a place to live and pay my bills?” How much? “About $1,000. I swear I will pay you back next month.” I know what you are thinking. But as a compassionate person and a friend, I had 2 choices: 1. Don’t lend her any money or only part of it. But if you do that what kind of friend are you? You’re an ass. 2. Lend her the money and hope she pays you back. Of course giving anyone money and expecting to get it back really just makes you an idiot. I only had one choice... Soooo “idiot” it is. (I’m a soft touch for hard luck cases.) A month goes by, no money. Not only is there no money but suddenly what had been a steady stream of communication for years becomes a trickle, until finally, after a few months she just vanishes. No one knows where she went. She, is just gone. Poof! And I am still out a thousand bucks. I know I shouldn’t have expected to be paid back. It wasn’t the money that ticked me off. It was the lack of an attempt on her part to pay anything. Ya see, it’s a point of honor thing for me - the difference between saying you’re a good person and being a good person. She didn’t need to pay it back all at once. Installments would have worked. 20 here, 50 there. She probably wouldn’t have had to pay it all back, either. There is an amount that you can say “okay” to. The point being that she would have been making the attempt to fulfill her obligations. But alas, she was gone. Until, after two years, I got a call on my cell on Tuesday: “Hi John. Guess who it is. I am back in town My divorce is final. My mother has died and I want us to still be friends. Can I see you soon and pay you back your money? Why aren’t you saying anything?” I was shocked! I said sure and suggested we get together Saturday. I would call her and we would pick a time and place then. So Saturday came. I called. I got her voice mail. I left a message. She never called back. No call. No voice mail. No e-mail. No dinner. No explanation. No money. Zip. Shakespeare once wrote, “Never a borrower nor a lender be.” Seems like sound advice from a dead guy. I have always believed (and I am loath to admit this) that all people, no matter how vain or stupid or insecure, have the potential to do something good in life. All people deserve a chance to redeem themselves. And while on one hand part of me knows I will get screwed over and that people are predictable in their shitty behavior, another part believes that maybe, just maybe, just once I might be surprised. It hasn’t happened yet in 30 odd years but who knows? It could...maybe...sorta...someday. The trick is just not letting yourself get burned a second time in the process of letting them prove they aren’t just another waste of skin sucking up valuable oxygen the rest of us need. Shakespeare also wrote, “Be true to yourself in all things and it follows, as surely as the night does the day, that you cannot be false to others.” *sigh* I know I’ll give my “little debt monkey” another chance if she calls. Why? Because strangely enough it’s the right thing to do. Besides who would want to live in a world where people couldn’t exceed your expectations? If that’s too saccharin an answer, how about I just want my fucking money back? Next week the Republican National Convention. Joy! Later, Mader