MADER'S RANTS Gay Marriage April 2, 2004 - So there has been a lot - and I mean a lot - of discussion on gay marriage. When it comes to matters of regulation and legislation, I use a very simple policy. Does it pass the “smell test”? SMELL TEST: PART 1 Does the action in question have a negative impact on a third party? No. Two people you or I have never met getting married and living some place we will probably never visit doesn’t impact our lives. We are not affected physically, financially or emotionally. It’s not like they are walking down the street shooting people. It’s basic, I know, but you get the point. SMELL TEST: PART 2 Does the action have a negative impact on the individuals involved? Hell! It’s marriage! What do you think? It, however, is not like trying to commit suicide. Suicide is faster… You see, my gentle reader, it’s not the idea of gay marriage I question. It’s the idea of marriage, period. I know, you think I’m being cynical, but follow along. I have 800 words to do this, so watch your heads and keep you hands inside the car at all times. ARGUMENT 1: Providing the children a stable environment? When has a marriage guaranteed a healthy environment to raise kids? We all know someone that had married parents but was a horrible place to grow up. We have known parents that stayed married for the sake of the children but created such a poisonous environment they would’ve been better off getting divorced instead of raising kids in an atmosphere of tension and hate. What creates a stable environment is two adults that love each other and no piece of paper is going to manufacture that. Ever. ARGUMENT 2: Health insurance? If your marriage is based on the idea that one party or the other is going to benefit from a health plan, then you had better ask why that other person is marrying you. Is it you, or your low “co-pay.” Not to be rude, but a marriage should be between equals. Don’t get me wrong, though. If you want to provide that to someone, swell. But again, if you married someone so you could provide them care so they can stay home and cook and clean for you, did you marry a partner for life or just acquire a live-in maid/butler with sexual benefits? ARGUMENT 3: You should get married so that you have a retirement plan? You can set up trust funds. You can name beneficiaries on life insurance policies, etc. Sure, someone could dispute it, but that happens every day, any way. Gay, straight, married, living together... if someone wants to cry “foul,” they can. It’s their legal right. Welcome to the real world. It happens all the time. I have noticed that a key to avoiding a lot of this hooey is either not to be worth anything or give all your crap away before you croak. Won’t solve all the instances, true, but it will reduce them. ARGUMENT 4: Making health care decisions for your loved one if they are unable? Living wills, powers of attorney, a lot of this stuff can be dealt with some simple planning. Even married people have had their choices contested. So to say a marriage gives you some sort of immunity to people meddling in your affairs is bunk. The courts are littered with law suits by third parties interfering in what are traditionally called family matters. ARGUMENT 5: It’s immoral to have gays marry or to have people live in sin. Worst argument of them all. Social morality is a fickle thing. Its changes about as often as women’s fashions. Some biggies: a) Slavery was once considered morally acceptable. b) Some people would argue that interracial relationships are abhorrent in the face of God even today. c) Not so long ago, thousands - if not millions - of people found it morally acceptable to roast 6 million fellow human beings in ovens like turkeys on Thanksgiving. Morality is not now, nor has it ever been an absolute in human history. It not only changes with time but varies from culture to culture. Morality, at best, is defined by the individual, and that’s a weak hook to hang your hat on. The core of all these arguments basically comes down to two people looking for approval from a third party to justify, approve of, accept or somehow bestow some benefit on their “union.” Call me a romantic, but relationships that will last till one or both of you dies don’t need the approval of others. It is, in fact, your relationship. The only thing that matters is that you deeply care about each other. Waaaaaaaay over simplified, but in at 800 words. Damn what a ride! ;-) Later, Mader