MADER'S 'BRANTS Iraqi Elections February 6, 2005 - So the Iraqis held elections much to the annoyance of terrorists both in Iraq and here at home. Did you watch the Sunday morning news shows? Did you see the reactions or our fair and unbiased press? You could literally cut the disappointment with a knife. Time and time again it seemed as if the fact Iraq might become a democracy without major blood shed made the commentators seem like little kids opening up shitty x-mas presents. COMMENTATOR: Let’s go to Bob in Iraq and see how many people are dead. Are you there Bob? BOB: Um yes annoying commentator person I am, and I must say things are quiet at the moment. COMMENTATOR: Are you sure? BOB: Yep! No deaths at the moment. COMMENTATOR: Well what about basic injuries? Anyone hurt standing in line? BOB: No. Not that we have seen. Things have been very orderly. COMMENTATOR: What about sprained hands or maybe someone tripped crossing the street to vote? Do you have any skinned knees? BOB: Um no, like I said before, things have gone very smoothly. No injuries at all. Would you like me to tell you about the actual voting process? COMMENTATOR: Fuck! No…No don’t bother. *sigh* Shit! Bush was right……I imagine there are no paper cuts from the ballots maybe? BOB: No paper cuts. Just happy Iraqis dancing in the street because they got to exercise the basic human right of self determination. COMMENTATOR: Damn it! How am I supposed to do a news show with out any blood! I will never beat Fox News and forward my liberal agenda if Bush keeps getting lucky like this!.......Oh crap! Was the camera on me when I just said that? I know it seems extreme but I’m not far from the truth. The news is comprised of two things. Ratings: The news biz is just another part of the entertainment industry. Ratings mean market share, which means more money for everyone, involved, from the network president to the reporter. You don’t honestly think Dan Rather or Tom Brokaw only made 50 or 60 G a year do you? No no, they are worth millions of dollars each. They own whole ranches and multiple homes. Truth be damned when ya have a mortgage payment to make. Failure and conflict makes good press. Personal Agendas: Long ago the press chucked the concept of unbiased reporting for what it considers social activism. In theory this is based on the traditions set down by the press over a hundred years ago. It was that media that brought down monopolies, helped the underprivileged form unions and exposed the abuse that many immigrants suffered in the slums. It was that media that fixed our food supply and showed just how horrific the conditions had become in the meat processing centers. The list goes on. Today things aren’t so clear cut. It is fairly obvious that anything related to a conservative must be bad and anything by a liberal must be good. We must not speak ill of any office held by a Democrat. Of course it’s hard to talk when your mouth is full of that public officials cock. Sorry I’m just saying there is a lack of objectivity. A stunning example of this in action was the Chris Matthews show. Somehow through some miracle of cryogenics, he reanimated the ancient, dead, manic-depressive, bipolar but radically liberal corpse of Dick Cavett. A man so screwed up he underwent electro shock treatment. For those of you that don’t know who Dick Cavett is, don’t feel bad. It just proves my point about how irrelevant he is. Literally every time Chris would ask him a question about the Iraqi elections, Dick would mumble something about Vietnam. The fact we are not in Vietnam, and this is 2005 and not 1971 seemed to elude Mr. Cavett’s Prozac soaked mind. Then again, when the nursing home released him to Mr. Matthews care it was with the expectation that there would be bloody carnage in the streets of Baghdad. In which case, Dicks babbling would have seemed wise and sage. Shame no one bothered to clue him in. Maybe next time they can blow the dust off Walter Cronkite. My point is that terrorism isn’t just blowing up cars and shooting people. Terrorism can also be a lack of support. No team ever won any sporting event with half its players already convinced that they had lost the game before they even walked on the field. Later, Mader